The Upstairs
by niallbranson
Summary: Bethyl AU. No Apocalypse. "The upstairs" has few long-term residents. Daryl knows only one person that's been there longer than him.
1. A box of chocolates

A/N: Something very strange and unlike me that I wrote a few nights ago. It's a very different voice than what I normally write in (just look at Day Zero or The Other Woman, hehe) but I had fun exploring this type of voice and a more stream-of-consciousness narration. Do PLEASE review and let me know what you think! I would really appreciate some feedback or your response to the story! -A

TRIGGER WARNING: Mental illness. It's not very heavy but I feel like a warning is necessary.

* * *

It's Sunday night again. And again, just like the last time, I'm sitting in the back corner of that room by myself. I'm curled up in a chair like that damn scared cat Lori took in a few years ago. My knees are up to my chin and I'm chewing on my thumb nail like the doctors in this place told me not to do because it's a habit I need to break, like all the other habits I have.

My brother doesn't come to see me today. He didn't last sunday or any of the ones before that so I don't know why it even matters anymore and sometimes I wonder if Rick even told him I'm here. That I'm in the bad place. The "upstairs", I hear some people call it. It's the part of the hospital people don't leave when they got done talking about their feelings and get their meds refilled and shit like that. The upstairs is where people live and stay around for a while.

Most leave of course. All the ones in the first group I was in are out. 'Cept for me. Still, I'm not the one that's been here the longest. I can't think of who's been here longer just now, but I know there's someone.

"Hey Daryl."

I look up and I remember now. I remember who's been in the upstairs longer than me.

"What d'ya want, Girl?" I mumble at her because I'm not in the mood to talk or hear her talk. Not today. Not on sundays where Merle, or even Rick, don't show up.

"Are you..." she fiddles with her hair a little and I notice it's got kinda long but then I don't think you can get haircuts here. Mine's probably way too long too. "...are you gonna be at group session today?"

I squint up at her. "Don't got much of a choice, do I?"

She nods quickly and hurries away, like a scared little animal. She reminds me of the stuff I used to hunt back home. Or more like, the stuff I couldn't bring myself to hunt. Too little and scared, wide eyes and shakes all over. That was her. That was Beth.

I see her hurry to the other side of the room and sit just like I was, knees tucked in. Except she's looking out the window like she does every Sunday with those big blue eyes like a tiny little doe and I just know she's expecting her daddy or that sister of hers to walk in. They never do. I've been here so damn long I can barely remember anything else and in all that time, not one person comes to visit Beth.

If it weren't for the presents she gets at christmas I would wonder if she was lying about having a family at all. But last year I snuck into the common room where we kept the tree to peek at her presents and, plain as day, they were from her daddy, and some people named Maggie and Glenn. I'll never figure out why they got time to mail presents but not time to get their asses over to see her.

She says her daddy's busy with the farm and her sister's busy with her new baby and husband. Sometimes I nod and tell her Merle's pretty busy too and that's why he can't come. I don't tell her what he's busy with though. I don't think telling her about Merle being locked up or on drugs half of the time would make her feel better about those people that left her here and then forgot about her.

Normally I wouldn't care. I'd just let her sit there and look out that window until everyone left and she saw each car drive out of the parking lot 'till it got so dark she could only see her own face in the window instead.

But Rick called today and told me how Carl was sick with the flu and he couldn't make it. He promised they'd come over next sunday and Lori would even make some lemon cake for me, but I had to listen to everything to Dr. Mack said and do good this week. No fights, no arguments, no sneaking cigarettes and no flushing the pills down the toilet like I've secretly been doing. The pills make me feel like a zombie though and I don't like that, so I don't promise Rick I'll take my pills. Instead I promise I'll listen to everything else Dr. Mack says and so today, looking at Beth, I remember how Dr. Mack is always going on about knowing when someone needs a friend and I shrug my shoulders because what the hell, it's only Beth.

I stomp over to her and she jumps when she first sees me. She's always scared, I swear. Scared or sad. I only ever see her smile when she's invading my space.

"Hey Daryl." She says again.

"Hey."

"Wh-what is it?"

I shrug again. "You ok?"

Again, she looks at me with those big blue eyes and she reminds me a little of a rabbit.

"I guess."

I would of walked away if I weren't practicing being a friend so instead I say,

"I'm sorry they're not here. Your Pa and sister."

She looks down and pulls her sweater tighter around her.

"It's ok. I don't cry anymore, Daryl." She says and I frown because that makes me think that she used to cry and then it makes me think there were times when I would see her there, looking sad, and then she'd go to her room and cry and no one would know. Someone should'a known though. This place is supposed to make you better and that just seems like the type of thing people working here oughta know. To help and all that.

"You wanna do something?" I ask before I can change my mind. I'm going to be a good friend. Then I can tell Dr. Mack all about it and I can go home again. Maybe call Merle.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Go take a walk or something?"

She smiles just a little and then jumps up, stepping into that little bubble of space Dr. Mack and I talked about and how I don't like it getting invaded.

She takes me to her room. I'm not supposed to be there but no one even notices we're gone, I don't think, so we just walk up the hallway and into the white room with the too bright lights.

"My sister sent me these for christmas. Want one?" She says when she reaches under her bed and pulls out a box. It's chocolates.

"I ain't Forest Gump." I grumble and she just giggles but doesn't say nothing and then I wonder if she's seen that movie. I saw it once at Rick's house; way before I came to the upstairs, when Rick made me go to dinner with some woman from work and him and Lori. Rick thought she liked me and after dinner Lori invited her to their house for drinks and a movie on tv. I didn't care much for the movie or that woman. Don't even remember her name, to be honest. Carla? Carol? I shake my head because it doesn't really matter anymore. There's lots of things I can't remember from the time before the upstairs.

I still think about the movie. I wonder if Beth would like it or what kind of movies she likes to watch. We have "movie nights" here but Beth never goes.

Beth's sitting on her bed with a chocolate in her mouth and I take one too just because she offered it to me and it seemed rude not to take it; Dr. Mack says I need to be more polite too.

I don't like chocolate much, and it has little chunks of nuts in it which I also don't like, but I chew it really fast and pretend I do, because it's the polite thing to do and now I'm practicing that too. Whatever it takes to get out of the upstairs.

"You sad cuz Zach left or something?" I ask her after a whole minute passes and Beth doesn't say anything. She looks up from her box of chocolates and shrugs.

"I don't know. I don't know if he's been gone long enough for me to miss him yet."

Zach's Beth's old boyfriend. Or whatever you have when you're locked up in here.

He came here because he almost died from all the drugs he was doing in college or something and it didn't take long for the nurses to find Beth and Zach making out all over the place. He left about a week ago. Something about his rich daddy taking him to a nicer place but I gotta feeling he got caught sneaking more drugs in with Bob, who's also shady as hell, and got kicked out. I used to get my cigarettes from him (now I just get them from Bob).

I nod at Beth and she gets up to look at her window again.

"I have this aunt up in Maine. Name's Patricia." She starts and I feel kinda stupid sitting there facing the wall instead of her so I get up and stand in front of her, the window of her room between us. "I used to pretend my mom just went up to visit her. Like there was some really good hospital in Maine that could cure her and that's why she wasn't home anymore."

It looks like she's talking to the parking lot below her instead of me but I listen anyway because I'm being a good friend like Dr. Mack and Rick wanted me to.

"It kind of felt easier to think that she was out there somewhere but I just couldn't see her. I think my daddy did the same thing. I think he's still doing the same thing. With me."

I shuffle my feet awkwardly because I don't know what to say. I know Beth's been here since her mamma died; I know that's what got her here.

"Maybe he pretends I'm with Aunt Patricia in Maine." She gets quiet for a few seconds. "Maybe he pretends he didn't have to send me away. If he came to see me, he couldn't pretend anymore."

I nod but I don't think she sees me because she's still looking out the window and I get this urge to stomp to whatever farm she came from and drag her daddy up here.

"My brother don't come to see me either." I say to her again, even though I've said it before, but just to remind her she wasn't the only one that was alone today.

"Your brother doesn't even know you're here though."

I shrug and smile a little.

"Hell, he probably wouldn't come anyway; even if he knew."

She smiles at me when she sees me do the same and after a few seconds we're both laughing a little bit and I don't even know why until she steps in and puts her arms around my waist. I flinch and jump but there's nowhere for me to move since she's hugging me.

"I just miss it out there sometimes." She mumbles and I lean down a little because her hair is tickling my nose and it kind of smells like strawberries and I kind of like that smell.

"Me too." I tell her.

"Thanks Daryl." She whispers and then pulls back to look up at me with her huge eyes. Everything feels different all of a sudden; her eyes look different and there's something there that looks familiar. It's from that night in Rick's living room with that woman from work I can't remember. It's a look girls give, and even I can tell what it means. And maybe I think that Beth is a little bit lonely with her daddy and sister ignoring her and her boyfriend gone and just because she hugged me and gave me chocolates now she wants to be more than just friends and I haven't had a girlfriend in a long, long time and I can hear Rick's voice in my head telling me why having one might be a really bad idea.

"I'm not gonna be your boyfriend." I blurt out, because I think Dr. Mack would say it's important to draw these lines; if I'm gonna be friends with Beth, and all that. Beth just looks at me like I hadn't said anything.

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Ok." She says again and then steps back from me and the room gets a little colder for some reason. Maybe the window's not closed right.

"It's not that I don't want to or something." I start; I feel like I need to explain myself. "You're just too young and I'm kinda old and-"

"I'm 19, Daryl. And you're not that old." She just shrugs and sits back down on her bed, rubbing her arms and I'm pretty sure it _did _get cold in here or else why is she doing that?

"Still. You're attractive and all but..." I sorta trail off then because I just see her smile that I called her attractive. Like she's really pleased with herself for being pretty. I mean, she _is _pretty. Big doe eyes and pretty blonde hair. Her face looks like a porcelain doll and _she _just looks like a doll, really. All of her. Like an angel or a doll that someone dreamt up instead of being a real person with flaws and stuff. I know she has flaws. She's scared and sad all the damn time but you couldn't see that unless you've known her as long as I have.

"So you think I'm attractive." I nod even though I can tell it wasn't a question but I'm just a little scared where she's going with this. "And I think _you're _attractive."

"No you don't." Lies. What the hell would a girl like her like in a redneck on god knows how many pills?

"I do!" She says firmly.

"Why?" I ask, actually confused.

She shrugs. "Because you're tall. And you're nice and you don't tell on me when I stay up past 'lights out' to read or write a letter. Or when I'd sneak into Zach's room."

"That don't count. It's just things I do. Anyone could do them."

Beth huffs and it blows some strands of hair out of her face and she crosses her arms like she doesn't want to tell me more and turns around a little to talk to the wall next to her instead of me.

"Fine! You're attractive because your arms are strong and you have a sexy voice and I like your tattoos and your eyes are pretty."

She looks up at me when she's done, like she just confessed some deep, dark secret and I can feel my ears getting hot and red because no one has ever said shit like that. Merle would always go on about how I would never get a woman because I was just a stupid redneck; same as him. I don't believe Beth for a second and I tell her that.

I narrow my eyes at her and walk a little closer, to see if she's lying or not because I can usually tell when people are lying to me.

"Fine, if you don't believe me." She says and out of nowhere she grabs a handful of my shirt and pulls me forward and before I know what's happening, she's kissing me. I didn't expect it, and at first my nose crashes into hers but pretty soon I find the hang of it, even though I haven't kissed anyone in a while.

I find out that Beth's lips are soft and pretty like the rest of her and she tastes like strawberries like her hair smells. She lets me go though; shoves me back after just a few seconds and I make a sound a little like a really stupid goldfish that just got taken out of the water.

She doesn't say anything, but she smiles at me. I can tell it's a real, happy smile and not the fake ones we've all learned to give the doctors when they ask us how we've been doing with the pills we haven't taken. She doesn't look sad or lonely for once and I smile at her because if I helped make her happy, that means I did a pretty good job at being a friend. Dr. Mack would wanna hear about this, for sure. Beth leaves the room though, looking back just once at me and when she's gone, I'm not sure I want to tell any doctors, or even Rick, about Beth. It just doesn't feel right to tell.

I don't know where Beth went or if she'd come back but I decide to wait in case she does. I sit there for a while all by myself; just me and the box of chocolates.


	2. New Year

A/N: Wow, Thank you so, so much for your response. I'm so happy and surprised that you liked this story. I'm going to continue it and update whenever I can but I can't promise that it will go on for very long. I hope you like this chapter even though it's a little rough but I had to get it out to get to the stuff I really want to write. Please leave reviews, thoughts, comments, questions, suggestions. Anything is welcome! -A

* * *

Visitors aren't allowed on any other day but Sunday, normally. But since Rick is a cop, they let him in whenever. On Monday when he walks in, I'm sitting in the same chair I always sit in but this time I pushed it up to a table because Bob wanted to play poker. When I see Rick, I fold because I was already winning anyway and I didn't really want Bob's cigarettes (he sneaks them to me before bed) because I'm trying to quit until I get out of the upstairs.

I walk over to Rick and he shakes my hand at first but then pulls me in for one of those man-hugs with back slapping like he hasn't seen me in years instead of just two weeks.

"Merry christmas Daryl." He says and I give him a look because christmas was a week ago, I think. I tell him that and he just smiles. "I know that, but I wasn't here to say it on the day." Rick had gone up to Virginia to visit Lori's family for christmas. He sent me gifts though. Rick got me some shirts, Lori gave me a book that I still hadn't read and Carl made me a christmas card at school. There was a stupid little drawing inside that I think was supposed to be the time I taught him how to shoot a crossbow, a little while before I came here.

I went over to my regular chair and dragged it away from the table it was at, making a loud screeching noise. I threw myself on it and Rick sat down across from me.

"You been doing ok?" He asks and I shrug because I've been doing the same as the last time he asked. I still throw the pills in the toilet and I still feel like shit most of the time. Almost broke Bob's neck on christmas eve, but I stopped because I started to worry that the doctors might start suspecting I wasn't taking the pills. At least not all of them. I take most of them. One they added a few months ago makes me feel like a zombie. Like I'm dead but I can still walk and see everything. It makes me feel like I want to just sleep forever but it doesn't let me close my eyes either.

"Lori and I have been thinking," he starts. His elbows are on his knees so he's leaning forward closer to me but he's talking to the floor or to his boots, not to me. "it might be a good idea to get you out of here. Get you home."

He finally looks up at me with a little smile and I smile at him too because I want to leave the upstairs so badly and I never realized how much till Rick mentioned leaving.

"Is Merle out of jail or something?" I ask suddenly. I'm not fool enough to think they'd just let me go home again by myself, to my house out in the sticks. I figured Merle would be the only person that'd wanna live with me. But Rick just frowns and looks at me like I'm a kid that just asked a stupid question, so I have to explain. "Well who else is gonna live with me? I reckon the doctors don't want me livin' by myself."

Rick blinks a few times.

"You can come live with us, Daryl. Lori's out of work now that she's pregnant, she'll be around to keep you company when I'm not there and-"

"I ain't going to live in your house!" I say and it's a little too loud I think because a few heads come up to stare. "I wanna go home. To my house! Where my bike and my truck are!" I feel my chest tightening a little and I try taking deep breaths like Dr. Mack tells me to do when I feel like this and Rick holds his hands up, like if he was guiding an animal and asking it not to attack him. Is that what I was now?

"You can keep your bike and your truck. Nothing will have to change. I just don't want you living all the way out in the mountains by yourself. Not until the doctors say it's ok."

"Well go find Merle, then!" I yell even though it's a little harder when I'm out of breath. I get up from the chair because I don't think I can stay sitting down anymore and start pacing in front of Rick, biting my thumb nail and trying to slow my breathing. Everything's quiet for a few minutes. Even the nosy people in the room are just staring. After a while though, Rick stands up in front of me and puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me from pacing. I huff at him, angry because it's been a long ass time and he never gets Merle when I ask him to. He says I'm like his brother, that he'd do anything for me, but the one thing I want him to do he won't. I'm pissed.

"Hey. Hey." He says when I try to move away from him. He reaches up his other hand to the back of my head to hold me still. "You wanna get out of here? You wanna go back out there, Daryl?"

I think about it for a few seconds and then nod, still kinda pissed at Rick. He pulls me in for another hug and says "I'll get you out of here. I promise."

* * *

"So you're leaving?" Dr. Mack asks me when I'm sitting in a big leather chair a little while after Rick leaves. I look around her office, there's lots of brown in there, wood and brown leather. A few plants too in the corners of the room and there's barely any light in there but I like being in her office because the couch is comfortable and the light puts me to sleep. I've actually taken naps there before, when she lets me.

"Rick says I gotta go live with him and Lori till you say I can go home again, but yeah."

Dr. Mack nods. "And you..._want _to go?"

"I gotta." I answer. "Gotta call Merle."

Dr. Mack frowns and then puts her notebook down, which tells me I'm about to get lectured. Probably something about how my brother's not nice to me and I shouldn't want to be around him; I think she's told me that before.

"Daryl," she says as she takes of her glasses too. Now I know it's serious. "We have to talk about Merle. About what happened..."

I blink and then I squint at her.

"Ain't nothing to talk about. I just wanna go see my brother."

When I say that she leans forward just a little bit and speaks very slowly as if I'm stupid or something.

"Daryl we have to talk about what happened. About the fourth of July-"

My eyes widen when she says that because I know I don't like that day. She knows it too and that's why she says it like that, like she's afraid of what might happen. And then it happens. I don't know why, I don't remember why, but when she mentions that day I start hearing fireworks in my head and every pop of them is like they're going off right next to me and they make me jump. They make me scared and all I know is that I don't want to hear them anymore. I don't want it to be the fourth of July and I cover my ears with my hands, shouting that I don't want to hear anything and breathing fast because I feel like the air is being sucked out of the room with every pop that I _know _is just in my head, but I can't help it.

"_Daryl? Daryl!" _I can see Dr. Mack saying my name even though I don't hear it and she reaches forward and tries to get my hands off my ears but I use my arms to shove her away and I almost elbow her in the face. I don't mean to hit her, but I just don't want to listen to her. I don't want to hear anything that has to do with that day.

I close my eyes and I start counting out loud. I count to ten and then start over and this time, I try to think of something else, _anything _else and in my mind Beth pops up for some reason. I think of last night when she kissed me and I think of how soft and warm she was and I squeeze my eyes shut harder, letting myself go back to that place, because I just figured out that I felt safe there.

I don't know how long it is until I calm down, when I open my eyes again I'm sitting on the floor against a wall and I'm a little cold because I realize I'd been sweating before. Dr. Mack is just looking at me from her desk. She's not saying anything anymore so I let my hands fall down from my ears and I keep trying to breathe normally, even though I'm still a little winded.

"I think we're just about done here, Daryl." She says. "Go out for the New Year's party. Have fun; but please remember to take your medication."

I get up from the floor and nod once before leaving the brown and green office behind me.

* * *

I stop by the lunch room when I leave Dr. Mack's office. It's crowded because they're having a new year's party for everyone in the upstairs but I just grab a plate of food and go to my room. I don't feel like putting on a stupid hat with glitter on it that says "2014". I pass Beth on my way out, she's sitting alone like usual, but I pretend like I don't see her because I'm afraid she might somehow figure out that I was thinking about her in Dr. Mack's office.

When I get to my room I take my pills; all of them. Even the zombie one because I don't want to freak out again like earlier; I want to be able to go home. Or to Rick's. Or whatever, but I can't stay in the upstairs anymore. I only get to finish my food until I feel the meds kick in and I want to just lie down and do nothing. I lay back on the bed and think that maybe I'll read the book Lori gave me. She'd like it if I told her something about it and she knew I read it; it would be polite and friendly, I figure. And I need to be all of those things to get out of the upstairs and back to my own house.

I don't move though, I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for so long I don't even realize it until I hear someone knock on the door. I don't feel like getting the door but it opens anyway and Beth walks in. She's not wearing a glittery hat like everyone else and that makes me feel better for some reason.

"Hey." She says. And instead of answering I just put my head back on the pillow and go back to staring at the ceiling. "It's almost midnight." She says and when she does I feel a little bit of panic in my chest because I know what that means: fireworks. Somehow, I don't feel the same way I did in Dr. Mack's office though. I feel like I _should _be scared, but like maybe I'm too tired to and I blame the zombie pills for it.

Beth sits on the edge of my bed even though I didn't ask her to and I can smell the strawberries and all the other fruity, girly things that remind me of Beth. I don't say anything, but I close my eyes a little more relaxed because I like that smell. It drowns out the smell of clean hospital that usually just makes me sick to my stomach.

Beth's looking down on me with her big blue eyes and I don't break eye contact. I want to tell her that I'm leaving soon, but the pills make me too tired to speak so I just stare at her instead. A few seconds later, we hear cheering down the hall and I know it's midnight. Beth just smiles a little and says "Happy New year, Daryl." And then she leans down to give me just a tiny kiss on the lips. She pulls away before I can do anything; though I don't think I would have.

The fireworks start then, and I flinch at every pop outside the hospital and I can feel my heart racing but it's not as bad as before. I don't have the energy to move or be scared, even though I am; deep down.

Beth stares for a little bit and reaches down to where my hand is and takes it; squeezing it and giving me just the tiniest smile. Everything feels a little fuzzy because of the meds but I think I must have smiled at her too because she takes her other hand and starts playing with my hair until I close my eyes and start to relax.

I think of how she doesn't even know I'm leaving. How I don't even know when I'll tell her. It doesn't seem fair that I get to go and she stays; stuck here again. I'm getting so tired that nothing's making sense in my head anymore but I think about Beth, about how she might like to see my house someday because she grew up on a farm and my house has a lot of land. I think she might like to see Lori's baby when it's born because some girls like looking at babies and stuff and Beth seems like that kind of girl. She might like it if I took her out on my bike or she might be scared if I went too fast but I remembered that she couldn't do any of this if she was still in the upstairs and it wasn't fair that I had Rick and she had no one.

Right before I fall asleep, I remember Rick hugging me before he left. I remember what he said to me and I think I mumble it out loud but I'm not sure if I said it just because I remembered it or if I said it to Beth.

"I'll get you out of here. I promise."


	3. Blue

A/N: Thank you all so, so much for your reviews! They truly keep me motivated to continue this story and I love reading your input, ideas and predictions! Seriously, I'm so ridiculously flattered to know you all took time out of your day to read and think about my story! This took a little while longer to get published because I was drafting the entire story. BUT this chapter is extra long and I now know exactly where this story is headed if you all enjoy it enough and want me to keep going. Again: thanks for reading and please, please review. That's the only way I know you are liking it.

Also: to Aelia O'Hession: who said that this reminded them of Benny and Joon: Aw, I haven't seen that movie in ages but I remember it being so good and cute; so thanks for that compliment.

Alright. Enough author's notes. Here's the chapter. ;)

* * *

I don't have to look up to know it's Lori standing at the foot of my bed. I can see the brown hair just barely out of sight and I know it can't be anyone else. She normally doesn't visit me without Rick but he had a case in Cynthiana (that's what he said on the phone this morning) so Lori's here to fill out paperwork so I can go home. They tell me I'll be out by the weekend.

Lori's very pretty, and very scary. Which might be because she's so pretty and I don't ever want to piss her off. I've known her longer than I've known Rick but I didn't like her much back then; like I sad: she can be scary.

"Where's Carl?" I ask without looking up at her. I keep my head on the pillow and my eyes on the white, tiled ceiling.

"At a friend's. He wanted to say hi but I told him he should just wait until you're home."

I grunt because I'm a little sad the kid's not here. I like him and I've kinda missed him since I've been here.

I finally pull myself up again and I feel my stomach protest 'cause I'm outta shape. I used to work a lot at home: fixing old cars, working around the house and all the land around it. I kept busy and it gave me a workout. All I do here is sleep.

When I'm sitting up in bed I finally look at Lori and she's even more pregnant than the last time I saw her which was a week before christmas. She probably caught me staring at her because she puts a hand on her belly like pregnant women do and says,

"It's going to be a girl. I don't know if Rick told you."

I shake my head. Rick hadn't told me. We don't talk about him much anymore when he's here. Always about me. He asks me how I'm feeling, what I've been doing, what I fucking had for breakfast!

When Lori comes, she tells me about how Carl's soccer team is doing and how she got a really nice blender on sale the day before. I like it when Lori comes over sometimes. I don't like thinking about me all that much. All I can think of is how long I've been holed up in this place.

Lori's still standing at the foot of my bed, rubbing her belly and she smiles a little at me.

"Rick fixed up the old garage. You know the detached one out back? It's gonna be a great place for you to stay."

I squint up at her because I don't know what to say. I don't much like the idea of living in a garage when I have a house I can go to but Lori looks so excited, I don't want to burst her bubble. I know she can tell I'm not as excited as her, she's always good at being able to tell those kind of things.

"You'll like it. We've been working on it for a while. Rick wanted it to be a surprise."

I nod once and then start looking around the room, thinking about how long I've been looking at these same walls and how in just a couple of days, I won't be anymore and I'll be staring at the walls of Rick's garage for God knows how long until I'm allowed to go home again.

"I don't think you'll miss this place, Daryl." Lori says and I just shrug because I know I probably won't, but there's still something bothering me in the back of my mind. Lori can tell. Like she always can. "Anything you _will _miss?"

"Just a girl." I answer quietly. My face goes red because I can right away tell how that sounds and one look at Lori's face and I know she does too. She's smiling a little.

"Ain't like that." I mumble. "She gave me chocolates." As if that is supposed to explain everything and I know it doesn't because Lori just raises her eyebrows at me. So I keep trying to explain myself. "She's been here longer than I have. No one ever comes to see her and she probably won't be leavin' any time soon. She kissed me twice." And I really don't know why I said that last part but Lori doesn't laugh or act surprised. Instead she pulls a very serious face and nods and walks over to the side of my bed where she sits down.

"Where's her family?"

I shrug, a little confused that she doesn't want to know about Beth kissing me. People are nosy that way and they always want to know about that sort of stuff. Merle was always asking me about the women I hooked up with; not that there were many.

"Got some sister up north. Her daddy's in her farm. No one comes to visit her on Sundays. She just sits there waitin' and no one ever shows up. I'm just her friend. Don't like seeing her so damn lonely in here. I know how that's like."

Lori stays quiet and after a while she pats my leg like I've seen her do to Carl before.

"Maybe you should tell her you're leaving then." She says to me. I nod and decide to go find Beth as soon as Lori leaves.

* * *

It wasn't hard to find her. She's sitting under an oak tree outside in the courtyard not doing anything in particular. She's just sitting there quietly and I smile because most of the time, that's what I like to do. Don't care for people much.

"Hey." I say when I sit down next to her. The grass feels cold even through my pants and there's a little bald spot on the ground, where Beth's been yanking some out; for a while probably. She doesn't even let me think about telling her when she says,

"So, you're leaving?"

"How'd you know that?"

She shrugs her shoulders and her sweater falls off of one shoulder and my hands itch to push it back up but I'm too curious to find out how she knew I was leaving, so I ball my hands up into fists instead and wait for her to say something.

"Heard some nurses talking about it. Your friends are getting you out?"

"Yeah, Rick. I'm gonna be living with him for a while."

"'Till you can find Merle?"

"Yeah." I answer, and she nods her head a little before staring up at me with those eyes that shouldn't be as pretty and blue as they look with the sun next to her.

"I hope you find him." She says quietly. I don't know why I do it, if I say it's because I feel bad that would be a lie and also kind of a douche bag thing to say because you don't kiss girls just because you feel bad for them. I guess I reached over and kissed Beth because I wanted to. Because I didn't know if I would ever see her again and even though I could see how sad she was that I was leaving, she still wished me good luck and that was a really nice thing to do. So I kissed her. This time it was different though. We didn't stop or run away right away and next thing I knew, I had a handful of her hair in one hand and was dragging her closer and she was grabbing my arms and making little noises in the back of her throat that I kinda liked. I kept pulling her closer by the back of her neck and it took me a while to realize she was almost sitting on me. Noticing that though, was enough for me to pull back.

We're both panting and red by then and she stares at me with wide eyes like she either can't believed I kissed her or she can't believe I stopped. I try not to think too much of which one it is that's shocking her.

She looks away first and pulls her sweater back over her shoulder like I'd been wanting to before looking back up to me.

"Okay..." she says quietly and I think that means something like 'ok, you can go now' so I pull myself up and stand there, looking down at her.

"I'll see ya." I say; it sounds stupid, because I don't know if I'll be seeing her again but 'bye' seems too much like I won't and I don't want her getting sad about that. She nods but doesn't look up at me and I can tell she's _already _sad.

"Yeah. See ya."

I turn around and start walking towards the hospital before I can think of any other stupid things to say.

* * *

Rick picks me up first thing Saturday morning; before anyone else is up and I walk out of the upstairs like I've been wanting to since Rick dropped me off here the first time.

"Lori told you about the garage?" Rick asks me. I nod and stare out the window of the police car he picked me up in. I wish he had picked me up in that mint green SUV Lori drives instead. Rick's police car makes me uncomfortable.

"I think you'll like it. We put in a kitchen and everything. Of course you can eat with us but if you want your space...you'll like it." He said again and I raise an eyebrow at him because I have a feeling he's telling himself that and not so much me.

"I had your bike and your truck brought over. They're waiting for you at the house."

I feel a little better when I hear this. I was in the middle of fixing up the truck when I was put in the upstairs and with how long it's been since then I'll probably need to work on it more, but it doesn't bother me. I want to have something to do while I'm living with Rick and Lori.

When we get to Rick's house, Lori and Carl aren't home. "Carl's soccer game." Rick says. He tries to show me where the garage is but I just squint at him and have the urge to ask if he thinks I'm stupid. I helped him put up drywall in there five years ago; I remember where the damn garage is. He probably remembers the same thing because he stops trying to herd me and lets me walk on my own. I open the door to one giant room. There's a bed (a lot bigger than the one at the upstairs) at the farthest end from the door and a tv mounted on the wall in front of it. There's a tiny kitchen; not a real one. Just the kind you get in hotel rooms. With a microwave and a mini fridge and a coffee maker. I wasn't allowed coffee at the upstairs; doctors said it messed with my pills and I wonder if Rick will let me have coffee since I'm not smoking anymore.

"Bathroom's through there." Rick says from behind me; and points at the only other door besides the one I'm standing in. I nod and take my first step in but already it doesn't feel right. The walls are a pale blue that I can tell was Lori's idea, just like the million sheets on the bed that make it look way too tall and fluffy. None of it feels right. Because it's not my house; it's just another room someone else gave me. I drop my bag on the ground in the middle of the room and I'm about to head out, when something sitting next to my bed stops me. Rick notices too.

"It was Carl's idea. Probably just an excuse to get you to take him out again."

I stare at my old crossbow and almost want to go pick it up, but don't.

"You sure I should be trusted carrying weapons?" I spit out. I don't know why I'm pissed, but the blue room is annoying me and I suddenly have the urge to just get out of there and go sit in my truck; unless Lori painted that blue too.

I can hear Rick sigh and start saying "Daryl..." like I'm his kid, so before he even gets his speech started I turn around and stomp out of there without looking at him.

* * *

"But Dad says I can get the new xbox for my birthday instead." Carl is smiling and shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth and I try to smile at the kid but it probably looks more like a scowl because I'm still not really feeling better from the day before with Rick and the blue garage. Carl doesn't look like he notices or cares though and just keeps talking. He's gotten way older since I last saw him. Needs a haircut too.

"Alright Carl, you finish up and then help Dad load the dishwasher." Lori's already standing and taking the plates from us and she comes over to stand next to me. "Daryl, I was thinking you could come grocery shopping with me."

I give her a look.

"Why?"

Rick does too. "Yeah, Why?"

"Well, you're going to be living here; I just wanna know what kind of stuff you like. That's all."

I almost argue back and say I don't want to go anywhere but she has this look in her eye. The one that she gives Rick when him and Shane make a joke she doesn't like or when he'd come back from a long case without calling her for a day or so. It's a scary look so I just nod and drag myself out the door without saying anything, going to stand by her minty Hyundai.

"You didn't like the room." She says when we're already driving down the main road.

"How do you know that? Rick tell ya?"

"Daryl, you slept in your truck last night."

I shrug. "Don't like blue." I lie. Lori knows that.

"Blue's your favorite color. You don't like that _you_ didn't pick the blue."

I have nothing to say to her so I stay quiet, watching the stores pass by and it takes me a little while to realize that we've already passed the supermarket Lori normally goes to.

It's just a few miles later when I start seeing a familiar white building in the distance and I can't help feel my heart start hammering in my chest, like I've been running instead of sitting in Lori's green SUV. _Shoulda taken all the pills. _I say to myself when my breathing starts coming out in little puffs. It's the hospital again; and I wonder if Lori's sending me back because I didn't like her blue. I want to ask her. I want to tell her to let me out of the damn car and I'll just walk back to Rick's but instead I grip the locked handle and start counting in my head.

I'm at '54' when Lori pulls up to the front doors of the hospital and I finally turn to stare at her. Willing to take all my pills and sleep in her damn blue room if I have to. I know I had to go back to the hospital. I had to see Dr. Mack every week and get my meds refilled. But that would all be at Dr. Mack's office; downstairs.

Lori smiles a little and reaches over to pat my shoulder.

"I'm going to run to the supermarket and do my grocery shopping. Pick you up in an hour?" She reaches into her purse and takes out a cell phone. I don't take it though and she just inches it closer to me.

"It's sunday." She says. I blink. I don't get it. "I thought your friend my like it if you visited."


End file.
